I think it's more of the latter.

I sent out a query this morning for my first post-Clarion, submission-ready story. I sent out the query rather than the actual story only because the market in question doesn't accept unsolicited submissions of any kind. An instructor at Clarion gave me the name of the market and told me to use their name in my query, but still... I'm a bit nervous about what I just did. I've never used a "big name" to get my foot in the door before, and using the name is no assurance that I won't be blackballed in perpetuity from the market. Using the name doesn't make it a solicited query - it's still very much unsolicited by the magazine. For all I know I've just shot said foot, and fucked up a good chunk of my future career to boot.

But the email's been sent, and there's no getting it back. If I think about it anymore, I'll drive myself crazy. On to the next task - I'll be making small edits and revisions on one of my Clarion submission stories, "Jetsam", this week. I have no idea where I'll send it. Well, I know where I won't be sending it.

::headdesk::